Chasing perfection is the problem

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

What is something a person can say that makes you immediately roll your eyes? For me, that’s saying “I am such a perfectionist”, within the first few minutes of meeting. (A close second would be someone saying “I’m such an empath.”). It is the universally acknowledged truth that a real perfectionist would never call themselves out like that right away. They would be too stressed out making sure everything is in order; and not improvising, pretending, or trying to put the spotlight on themselves. They would take time to show you the depth of their perfectionism.

As I am writing this, it’s 9 pm on a Thursday. I have been struggling to write the “perfect” blog post for two weeks now, and this is my third and final attempt at it. The rest of the themes I explored are just sitting there in my drafts, and I feel quiet judgement. Why haven’t I found a perfectly relatable story yet? Why am I not happy with the drafts that I made?

While writing about not being able to write feels very meta, I also believe each of us can relate to the feeling of not being good enough or not being able to do something the way we want to. I thought it’s lack of inspiration, or a writer’s block. My own laziness, or perhaps after work tiredness that’s blocking me. And while all of these are solid factors, the answer is not there.

The answer is in my obsession of always writing the most perfect, the next best post. Thinking of the cool references, writing the titles, drafting it in my notes – next to my grocery list and songs I request DJs to play at parties. But in writing, same as in life – you can plan as much as you want for one thing to happen; something else happens and it takes you on a completely different journey.

Jokes aside, the idea of perfection is something a lot of us have had to deal with from an early age. As the eldest daughter, it often felt like my parents, maybe without fully realising it – were trying to raise a “perfect child”. Neat, obedient, not making a fuss. They wanted me to be good, do really well at school, follow the rules, get things right. And while that experience isn’t exclusive to eldest daughters, it’s definitely common among oldest siblings and many others.

There is no way I will uncover my own, or anyone’s, childhood complexities and how it formed us into the adults that we are in just one post. But the commonality is there; we all had expectations placed on us since day 1 – and to this day, in one way or another, we struggle with not meeting those expectations. Or maybe even meeting them too early and not knowing what to do later.

It’s scary trying new things, admitting that some things don’t really work out or breaking out of the zone of comfort. I definitely used to be, and maybe still am, a person who can’t pick up something unless I know I am really going to be good at it.

Two years ago, I got dance lessons as a birthday gift; and as excited as I was, I also felt self-conscious about how well it would suit me. I went into that room thinking about and immediately comparing myself to others. What if I make a mistake, or embarrass myself? I felt happy about not being the worst person in the beginners class; but I also felt I could do more to be a better dancer.

It was only my first lesson and remembering this I am cringing from myself. I almost forgot the whole point was to have fun and enjoy the music, learn new dance moves; and not expect to become a Latin solo dance prodigy at the age of 31.

Silly as this is, it was much more than physical exercise—I was shutting up my inner critic, showing up to the lessons, week after week. And it was the best thing I could have done, not perfect. Just good and really fun. While I do struggle with my own perfectionism and roll my eyes when I hear the perfectionist description, I try to remember the key is just to show up for myself. And for most of us – this is the best thing we can do. Not everything will be perfect, but there is no giving up on ourselves either. As long as I keep writing something, it will be better than not writing anything at all.

And if you ever struggle with the motivation, or you feel blocked, remember that our pop princess gave us motivation 12 years ago—reminding us that we just gotta work, b*tch!

So it goes.